Introduction
Most computer enthusiasts visit a computer shop on an almost daily basis, bringing home an ever-growing number of peripherals such as video cards, harddisks, DVD+/-RW drives and similar equipment that needs to be built into their computer system(s). These hardware-savvy computer enthusiasts can be easily recognized, as they start thinking about doing the next upgrade right after purchasing that new videocard and may actually never put their case side panels back on as that would only slow down a weekly upgrade. They also know all their motherboards’ BIOS settings by heart and how each affects performance. Also, don’t be surprised if they know every version number of the drivers they install and can write down a minimum of ten serial numbers for the installed third-party software.
Although such enthusiasts know what’s best for their computer systems, there’re a couple of drawbacks to this never-ending upgrade frenzy. First off, whenever these users buy a peripheral, for example a videocard, they usually bring it back within 30 days, to exchange, not refund, because the new revision of the videocard has 2.0 ns DDR SDRAM memory chips instead of 2.2 ns. Or, more commonly, they buy a motherboard and bring it back the next day ‘cause they want to use Revision X’s undocumented jumper settings, which the version they brought home does not support. And to give you a couple more fine examples, they’ll convince the service technician at the shop to pre-test their new processor, not because they want to know if it works, but because they want to be sure it runs at some insane overclocked speed. For that they bring their own system, lock themselves in a room with the technician and debate with him whether they should go with the Pentium 4 processor that runs 3.51GHz at default voltage or the one that hits 3.56GHz at 1.8 volts.
And the best one yet; they buy the next generation, state-of-the-art processor or videocard, of which the retailer has just one in stock since they are very hard to come by. They pay for it with dad’s credit card and bring it back the next day stating that it doesn’t work in their system. If the retailer browses the web that same evening he comes across a little ‘hardware’ website with just 12 people on the statcounter and a mere 6 more registered in the forums that has just done an ‘exclusive’ review of that very same product. Hopefully I’ve gotten my point across, that these enthusiasts are a retailer’s nightmare; the constant flow of hardware back and forth puts a considerable amount of stress on the retailer and his service personnel. They have to deal with awkward reasons for exchanging hardware such as perfectly fine, working videocards, unlike defective products which can be sent back to the manufacturer. As a result, they have stacks of opened boxes with products that have been used for a couple of hours each.
Well, for the sake of these retailers as well as those having to buy these opened boxes, this article covers the basics of how NOT to install newly purchased hardware. Please give it a good read and take the advice to heart. And keep in mind that it is only fair to keep the hardware you break, don't return it because of your own mistake to not properly install it. Furthermore, use these instructions at your own risk, we take NO responsibility whatsoever and do take the above with a grain of salt, we consider ourselves among the above mentioned enthusiasts too.
Opening the case
Prior to opening your case locate, but do not memorize, all of the screws you can find. If they happen to be of the Philips head variety, easily removed by using an applicable Philips screwdriver of the right size, try to select a screwdriver, flathead or otherwise, which seems sufficiently NOT suitable to remove the screws. The intention here is to improve chances of inflicting serious damage to connectors, expansion cards or other items adjacent to the screw by letting the screwdriver slip. Also, apply as much force as possible; bending the sheet metal of the case is a great measure of sufficient force, to maximize the possible damage. Also, turning the screws clockwise with excessive force is a good way to strip threads or, even better, break the head off completely, which will most likely require the purchase of a new case or the use of powertools to remove it.
The case panels and power supply secure fastened, this is not the proper way.
Furthermore it is absolutely essential to remove each and every screw within sight, especially the ones holding the powersupply and any heavy case fans mounted in your system. The effects of a powersupply falling inside the case are not to be underestimated; the same applies to the case fans. For maximum effect this should actually be attempted when the machine is still running, which will, with a little luck, cause the entire computer to short out and destroy some of its most vital and expensive parts. I reckon the effect the spinning blades of a large high rpm case fan can have on your fragile computer’s interior needs no elaboration. Now, when removing screws, don’t worry about them falling into the computer through open slots or other openings in the case, this is highly recommended. The screws not only can cause serious damage, they usually end up in places where you least want them, or cannot easily reach them, thus making you head out for the store for new ones. And there’s the added bonus of the sheer anxiety one feels when a screw is lost in the inside and cannot be found. Flipping the powerswitch can then be both a gratifying as well as an exciting undertaking, as recovery of the screw may destroy the computer.
All the screws removed and the power supply slowly falling into the PC' interior.
So far, we have found that just the removal of the case panels can result in one or more vital parts being utterly wrecked, which may well require a considerable investment to get the machine working again. Remounting the case panels back on should be done with care too, as I mentioned, you’re not to memorize the actual location of the screws, but rather screw them into any opening you see fit. Favorite locations include input/output connectors of sound- and videocards as well as voltage selectors for 110/240 volts operation. Also any holes which look like they have live parts, or electronic components, mounted right behind them are definitely prime candidates. Also having screws left over after the case has been re-attached is a big plus, as this will most likely result in components not being fastened properly.
Mounting peripherals
Whenever you mount a CD-ROM drive, a harddisk or a floppy drive, be sure to use the wrong type of screw; use the small ones for the harddisk and the big ones for the CD-ROM and floppy drive. Applying excessive force when mounting these peripherals again is a big plus, but keep in mind that for maximum effect they should actually not be fastened securely and must NOT be mounted with more than one screw. If you're constantly moving your case around, then try NOT to do so in a careful manner, but rather jerk it around. Dropping it on a concrete floor from an adequate height of course is a great way to test overall structural integrity, and maximum effect is attained with ill-fastened peripherals. The effects of a harddisk or any other heavy peripheral crashing around inside your case are not to be sneered at, especially with the computer switched on.
Mounting the motherboard, notice the correct orientation of the copper standoffs.
Furthermore, when mounting a motherboard, be sure to use all supplied copper standoffs and place them in a random location, then, contrary to the peripherals, fasten the screws holding the motherboard down as securely as possible. Mis-aligning the motherboard, if at all feasible, is a great way to inflict further damage. The reason for mounting the motherboard securely is two-fold, first off we want the motherboard to be as rigid as possible as to raise our chances of inflicting damage on add-in cards. Secondly we want the randomly placed copper standoffs to make maximum contact with any motherboard pins underneat, increasing the chance of a motherboard short-circuit.
Mounting add-on cards
When purchasing an add-on card you will undoubtedly have noticed that most come in a shiny silver wrapping; this wrapping is not for show, but rather is designed to protect the card from static electricity. Static electricity can be used to render just about any electrical component or add-on card unusable. For maximum effect put on a pair of rubber boots, and walk over synthetic carpet; sliding your feet back and forth is a great way to boost static charge. Now take the add-on card out of his protective wrapping and grab it firmly with both hands, and be sure to touch any exposed metal, component pins or other connectors. Repeat a couple of times to increase chances of success. In case you don’t have a pair of rubber boots handy, a wool sweater can be used as an alternative. Rub it firmly across a piece of plastic, abs or nylon is preferred to charge it and then discharge it against the add-on card. Touching any exposed metal, component pins or connectors is recommended. Take notice of the crackling sound, which is a good indication of a job well done.
Placing an AGP card in a PCI slot, excessive force is needed to accomplish this feat.
Actually mounting the add-on card in the appropriate slot on the motherboard is another great way of rendering it unusable. When inserting the card into the slot, be sure to mis-align the card and push it down with as much force as possible; hopefully this will result in the slot connector pins being bent down, rendering the slot unusable. Applying force to the add-on card sideways is also a great way to ‘pop’ components off the card. Most are so small that they can easily fit between other components’ pins or even in an adjacent slot connector, inflicting further damage. Obviously, trying to insert an AGP card in a PCI slot and vice versa seems impossible, but might be worth a try; who knows what kind of performance we’d get out of such a combination?
Connecting cables
When we’ve ‘successfully’ installed our peripherals and add-on cards, hooking the cables up wrongly is another great way to do some more damage. Most modern motherboards come with floppy and harddisk cables that have a pin-alignment system, which is supposedly meant to prevent us from hooking up the cables in the wrong way, well they were mistaken. It is still very possible, and recommended, for example, to plug the floppy cable into a harddisk connector, which will make booting from floppy rather difficult. Also the pin-alignment systems are usually made out of plastic, and as with all plastic, if you apply enough force it gives a little. Thus we are able to mis-align those connectors; we only need to apply a little more force. Also take notice that mis-aligning the cables on both sides results in a perfectly working system which is not the objective here.
The correct way of routing cables inside a case, no cable ties are required for a perfect finish.
Cables are also great to stop fans from spinning, clutter up your case, and plugging one extension cable, like the kind used on CPU Coolers, into another is almost a guarantee for a messy interior. Therefor cable ties should be avoided at all cost. Just leave all those cables hanging loose, and, if possible, bring ‘m nearer to any add-on cards with onboard connectors. One might just be long enough to contact one of the powersupply’s plugs, which will, 99% of the time, result in some small scale fireworks. Also, an ATX powersupply plug is not supposed to be mis-aligned with the motherboards connector, but in this case, such a misalignment might prove to be just what the doctor ordered. It’s best to try this with cheap powersupplies, as they usually lack a secondary fuse and ‘overcurrent’ protection. Be advised to keep a finger on the powerswitch and have a fire-extinguisher handy as things may get ‘hot’. One other great way to render a properly functioning powersupply unusable is by setting it to 110 volts and run it off a 240 volt outlet. Or, alternatively, stick large metal objects with insulated grips, like screwdrivers, through the holes in the casing, touching live parts in the process.
Configuring the BIOS
If all else has failed and the system boots normally, the next best thing to do is ‘configure’ the BIOS. By that I mean flashing it with a random file from your harddisk. If a flash BIOS is ‘flashed’ with the wrong data, such as a BIOS for a completely different motherboard, or, more effectively, with any random file on your harddisk, the motherboard will, upon rebooting, cease to function until its BIOS chip is physically removed and re-programmed or replaced with one holding the correct data. Using a somewhat older flash utility is the best way to go about it, as these usually have no checksum or file-version checks and can upload just about any file into the BIOS. Alternatively, because of lack of a file of suitable size, or a flash utility willing to flash a random file to our BIOS, ‘update’ the motherboard with the oldest BIOS you can find and be sure to pull the powercable during the update process.
Replacing a defective BIOS chip by using a screwdriver, push hard and fast for best result.
However, there’s more fun to be had. Suppose you want to replace the BIOS after the above mentioned ‘configuration’, then we’ll have to physically remove the BIOS chip and replace it with a new one. Removing it, however, can be just as productive as ‘configuring’ it. Most BIOS chips are socketed, meaning that the chip resides in a socket, much like your CPU, but without a lever. Thus, in order to get it out of the socket we have to use something else as a ‘lever’. A prime candidate is a screwdriver; by carefully prying on alternate sides, the BIOS chip can be successfully removed, but as before, that’s not the objective here. Prying it on one side until it pops right out of its socket is the best way to end up with severely bent or broken pins. If enough force is applied and the socket is of high enough quality, the BIOS chip can be effectively snapped in two, or can be ripped right off the motherboard with the socket still attached, resulting in unrecoverable motherboard damage.
Configuring the motherboard
Most modern motherboards are jumperless, or at least most of the commonly used features can be set through the BIOS. However that usually still leaves a whole slew of jumpers on the motherboard, some of which might even be undocumented. This opens up a whole new perspective, as we are now faced with the possibility of finding an undocumented setting that might propel the motherboard to unforeseen heights as well as acquiring fame across the world as the first person to actually document this undocumented setting. The most effective way of finding these settings is to have a couple of spare jumper caps handy, then subsequently placing ‘m randomly across the motherboard and watch for changes when the system boots up.
Placing jumper caps in random locations, the desired result is to burn traces off the motherboard.
A piece of paper and a pen for taking notes is not recommended, as the repetitive placing of the jumper caps on the wrong location might damage the motherboard beyond recovery. Thus in the light of this exercise, the sooner such damage occurs the better. Placing jumper caps over fan connectors, WOL, SB-Link or other connectors is a great way to render these unusable, as well as do considerable damage to the motherboard. For example, placing a jumper cap over two pins connected to +12 volts and Ground, might effectively ‘burn’ the traces leading up to this jumper off of the motherboard, resulting in unrecoverable damage to the motherboard.
Mounting the processor
CPUs come in various packages, ranging from the old and almost forgotten Socket-3 used for 486 computers, up to the very latest 940 pin socket for AMD’s Athlon 64 FX. Current CPUs have unfortunately got proper precautions built in to counter the effects of a mis-alignment, which we can only circumvent with brute force, by simply forcing the CPU into the socket. Thereby bending pins at an angle that'll make them snap right off when we try to realign them later on, which is a tried and tested method of turning your $500 processor into a keychain. But there’re other ways of damaging a CPU without actually mis-aligning it in its motherboard socket.
The CPU moments before we trigger the power switch, this is the last time we see it's core in one piece.
The most popular is the operation of a CPU without a CPU cooler; be careful to have a stopwatch handy, ‘cause we’re talking seconds here. Before we actually remove the CPU cooler we configure the BIOS to the absolute maximum ratings in both MHz and core-voltage. Upon removal of the CPU cooler we turn on the computer system and start the stopwatch, then we observe how far the computer makes it into the Windows bootup process. Anything beyond the ‘Windows XP startup logo’, usually a few seconds in, is already a tad too far, you’re simply not trying hard enough.
A misaligned CPU cooler about to be secured in place by a firm and resolute push on the right hand clip.
One other way of destroying CPUs is misaligning the CPU cooler, this works best with AMD processors as the CPU core is not protected by a metal heatspreader and very fragile. Normally a CPU cooler is placed onto the processor by carefully taking note of the correct orientation, aligning the clips and then gently pushing them down to secure a snug fit. Obviously we can damage or utterly destroy the fragile CPU core by placing the CPU cooler on the wrong way and then press down hard to still make the clips meet with the socket lugs. This will either result in the CPU core being chipped or cracked, which will effectively render it unusable or the socket lugs being snapped off which means we’ll have to replace the motherboard. Either way we’ll have inflicted serious damage to our computer, requiring an early replacement of the CPU, motherboard or both.
Conclusion
If all else fails, there's one more option for the brave hearted, which should only be attempted by the most experienced and 'skilled' computer enthusiasts. With the help of a screwdriver we can over volt the entire system and run all components within at a before unheard of clockspeed. This mother of all overclocks will propel your system to new heights by using the most powerful source of power available at your house, AC current at 110 or 240 volts. By inserting a screwdriver through the power supply' fan grill one can, with a little luck, simply take out the power supply 'bottleneck'.
Not for the faint hearted, the ultimate over volt, taking care of the power supply bottleneck.
With the ‘instructions’ from the previous pages you should be able to destroy or thoroughly damage the most vital and expensive parts in your computer. Now you can finally do an upgrade because you really need one, instead of for a mere 0.2% increase in framerate, or for a chance to try out some ‘cool’ new peripheral. As a DISCLAIMER, the above is meant for AMUSEMENT and is NOT to be taken seriously. We take no responsibility whatsoever if you want to try some of these ‘instructions’; do so at your own risk. Furthermore the pictures you see in this article are meant to illustrate what could happen with any of the instructions we provided, no hardware was damaged in the process. And in case you're wondering we did not use any part of a similar article from Dan at Dan's Data, but we both covered all of the requirements to utterly destroy your computer with little effort.